One of my favorite Songs of Loss and Sorrow from way back in those hurtin’ days (and one which may still put in a compelling appearance when that “lovin’feelin’ “ button gets pressed) goes, in part, like this:
Someone left the cake out in the rain
And I don’t think that I can take it
Because it took so long to bake it
And I’ll never have the recipe again.
You know that feeling, right?
It turns out that today, here and now, this old tune has taken on new meaning, thanks to the way all things move on perpetually. The “cake” that I baked and iced repeatedly, used to symbolize my special romantic relationships; their repeated dissolution in the rain of conflicted emotions after breaking up always left me limping for weeks, even months, slogging through that bottomless falling in all Endings.
The good news from it all is, after many years of nearly drowning in that pool of tears, I gave up treading water and sank; the bottom was actually touched, at first with tippy toes, then finally, firmly, with the fierce grace harder than a CIA waterboarding, “I” drowned.
All thought fell silent. The mind – wheel ground to a halt. And, to borrow from the 13th century mystic Meister Eckhart, “ “That in you where distinction never gazed” surfaced. The Self was revealed, the lost was found, and not to put too much of a testimonial spin on it, all my identity went missing! Well, almost all, but I don’t want to go on with this Lamentation Story, so lets talk post – drowning for a moment.
This Silence we speak of here is what you and I are in truth. This Silence surfaces in the space formerly occupied by all our “beliefs ”, including what we think is “self” and the “sacred and divine”. We find our Alpha non- self, our Omega non-identity. That Center is beyond all description, hence the Biblical phrase: “ The
son of God has no place to rest his head.” That being said, there is a place of resting.
Within this emptiness we find complete fullness resting as, and in, awareness. Nothing more and nothing less than reality. A reality that fully includes not only the divine but also all the cakes we humans ever baked…in our minds!