FREE WILL and a poem by Will Gaines
POPULAR DREAMS: Do we have free will?
Perhaps a useful way to approach this is to turn to our own authority, to turn the question around: “do I or you have free will?”
When I look into this for myself, I find that from early childhood, I have never had free will; that, in truth, I have always acted from fear, from a deep need to be someone, to be confirmed, safe, respected. At bottom, I was afraid to know that I didn’t know, afraid to not belong- to confess I didn’t have a clue about what’s goin’ on.
This fear has fueled my activities, fired my ambitions and decades of spiritual pursuits; fueled my few successes and all my failures. Out of fear, I looked to others, to teachers, to methods and myths, symbols and intellectually appealing theories (including Nonduality, if it remains theory) to find “the Truth”. (BTW None of this was wasted or wrong)
What I have found is I have no control – not over my next thought, let alone my next action. Everything in life happens exactly the way it does, sometimes in a way that I like and sometimes in a way I don’t like. So it’s important here to really see what we like. Do I “like” or “dislike” what happens because my body/mind conditioning, individually and collectively, craves and favors certain outcomes over others? Do I think the world should be OTHER than it is?
In truth, I find that this conditioned “me” is nothing else but pre-programmed preferences and denials. I find in everyday living that there is no “me” inside or outside, to have any control or will whatsoever. That all we “do” is re-act according to the beliefs installed in the software called “James” or “Dolly”, ”Jacques” or “Jill”. And…
AND I also find that there is a greater Will that is free and freeing! That that Will is not mine, but it is “me”, in the sense that I am the will-force of all LIFE. “I” have no living identity (except as thoughts in my dead, conceptual mind) I am nothing but ALL this vast life! So this greater Will flows free as life, right? All my ideas and questions come to rest Here, in this simple knowing beyond words: “Thy Will, not My will”.
This is free and freeing because it is true, and it is known to be true, but not by a mind-made “me”. How can you and I “know” this?
That’s where we must find our own way, consult our own map-maker. The key for me is to be OPEN AND OPENING. To not settle for any outside authority, to listen not only with your mind for “definitions” and understanding, but ALSO to unlock your own authority by tuning into your Knowing Self.
Indeed, it takes One to know One.
Love is the key to freeing our Self from notions of not being free, already.
Love, and Be.
James: Been contemplating this. Here is a poem that came out of me a few years ago. It seems that the illusionary “free will” comes from the fear in humans which keeps the “matrix” in this accelerating division. Will
Deluge of Joy
Our hearts are cocoons fearing metamorphosis:
Clinging to a dying and fragile branch no butterfly can fly.
Yet the sky still beckons, vivid and vast:
As if a great spaciousness:
Gives new wings to fly.
What broken dream postpones this birth?
We are not old like the sun:
Or rooted like a tree.
Prisoners are we of this terrible mind:
Like a dog chained in a pen:
Or discarded objects in a pawn shop.
This fantastic fragmentation!
This ferris wheel of fortune forgetting laughter.
Who is the laughter?
I AM the laughter.
No love can survive this mechanical dress.
Unless all our pain becomes one great deluge, soaking the world:
In one continuous joy!