October 10, 2011 | | Comments 0

Hello James,

Why do we miss someone? Why does this happen? I love someone who is not physically with me. But I keep imagining about him and still not satisfied. I want him to know that I love him. I don’t know what to do. Why we want someone so much? Please tell me if it is OK for me to love him like that and never want him to give me love back. Why do I fear loving him in his absence thinking one day it will go. Is this only attachment to a figure or some real love? Please guide me through.

Thank You

Love, D.


Hello D.

Thanks for the note. So let’s explore this mysterious thing we call “love” together. Love will be our reliable and constant guide! Perhaps it”s our best friend too! And this love, if it’s authentic, includes entirely all of its expressions. All of ’em. From romantic notions about love, to the most poetic and noble, religious and “spiritual”. This love encompasses all our ideas and feelings about it.

From a nondual perspective, Love is our nature; it is who we are and what this is. It is nonconditional, freely given without a need or expectation of it being returned. It is not an emotional feeling, but it is “felt” to be at the core of our being, isn’t it?. This divine being is not personal, but it also embraces the “personal”.

Love does not discriminate -it radiates like the sun. Our “personal” love is limited because it is directed toward a selected person (s). That, of course, is the general human condition arising from desire and fear, from wanting to hold on to some sort of security outside of one’s Self. It breeds a yearning which can turn into forms of co-dependency…an endless wanting that can never be truly satisfied…by a person or a Mercedes! This love comes and goes…what we seek in truth is that love which does not change.

In truth, what we want is what we already are – love. Unborn, undying love. But we learn as young children and are conditioned with our cultures’ ideas about romantic “love”. The pure love of our unborn nature then becomes conditional – another egoic device we think we can choose to give or withhold…to live with or without, according to what we perceive as pleasure and pain.

In fact, love is the stuff we are made of…like all the potters’ pots are made of the same clay. Even the potter – God, Buddha, Awareness – is love.

Love is not learned; it is not a quality which some have and some do not. Love is universal; it is always active and acting; we feel its action in the human and divine impulse of loving that we glimpse when we look at a child, or a bird. We can expand this loving to include all and everything!

“Love is awareness in action” as Nisargadatta Maharaj says in I AM THAT (If you have not read him, I reccomend it, along with J.Krishnamurti and Ramesh Balsekar ) This personal love you feel can be transformed with deeper exploration into the nature of love. Follow where it leads with open and affectionate pragna,”heart wisdom”. Use your suffering like a thorn to take out a thorn, and the pain attached to it will dissolve into a greater understanding… like an ice cube melting into the ocean.

The nature of love is contentment – happiness in being. To love, and be happy with whatever happens!


Would you like to share this aware Love that you are – perhaps in a small, informal, teacherless gathering in the San Francisco Bay Area? For those not able to attend, notes or audio may appear here in this ongoing series of “LOVE TALKS”

Please see and email me at and let’s see what happens!
Thanks and be well.
“ Awareness is love in action”
Nisargadatta Maharaj

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